graduation day

"Make a promise that you'll always be around for your children's graduation (and other special occasions)," the assistant director of  Discovery Pre-school, where Naki went to, told us during their closing ceremonies way back when. (It seems the graduation ceremonies at the University of the Philippines last Sunday brought back a lot of memories.)


Judging from the numerous parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings and yayas that were present, she didn't have to do a lot of convincing.


I grew up in an environment like that. i didn't have to be the most intelligent, the most gifted, the most bemedalled student to merit my whole family's attendance. 


There really is  a different high in being able to share that special day with your loved ones -- a reassurance that you are indeed treasured. If only all families were like that. Alas, in this world of ours, not all our wishes and prayers can come true.


One of my closest friends used to tell me that she loved to come over to our house because she envied my family. She liked to be with us because she wanted to belong and she felt that she was most welcome in our home. And to think that she came from a family of 10.


My friend's the gutsy type -- cowboy na cowboy -- she's emotionally strong and you'd never believe she has problems 'coz she handles them so well. Though she has always regaled me with tales of her weird family, I always thought she go through unscathed, unaffected 'coz I'd always end up laughing at her stories. But, boy, was I wrong. I didn't know how hurt she felt inside.


Just before she left for the States and right after she passed the Medical Board exams, we got together to celebrate and ended up talking about heartaches -- hers. 


The daughter of a Chinese immigrant and a Filipina, she had to battle against a lot of prejudice. "Babae ka lang," her parents would tell her, so she had to make her own way through college, unlike her lucky "sustentado" brothers. Whenever there were arguments, she couldn't voice out her opinions -- her brothers were always right. If she dared to insist her own way, she was branded, "magulo, mataray, unreasonable". Eventually she learned to make it on her own -- to accept critical, harsh words instead of praise. She learned to forgive her parents and carry on even though they invaded her privacy by opening her mail and listening in on her telephone conversations. Despite it all, she loved her parents and craved their approval.


Her mother, my friend told me, was such a miser that she never bought new clothes. If she was given a new dress, she would leave it in her cabinet to rot. She preferred to wear the same clothes since 19-kopong-kopong. She also hated to go out and would only do so if circumstances forced her to. Well, anyway to get back to the story, on her graduation day, my friend begged her parents to attend  and even brought her mother a new dress.


During the ceremony, my friend nearly broke her neck, checking to see if her mother was there. Teary-eyed she went up the stage alone when her name was called. Diploma in hand, she turned and saw her mother there. Dressed in her old clothes, with a run in her stockings, her mother was nevertheless there. And that was enough for my friend.


--------------------------------
Written March 31, 1998